Love it! I'm shockingly tattooless as well! Also, I never know what to write for my Artist Statements either.
These kind of overlap what you have already but: Hammer-wielding, bike riding, tree hugging, dirt worshipping, slug killing...
I agree with El.Hueso. I wanted to mention that I don't think you are socially awkward or a misfit Mama.
I'm relieved to know that I don't come across as socially awkward as I feel, but as far as fitting in, it seems that I am too kooky for my normal mom friends and not kooky enough for my artsy mom friends and I'm clearly not following the 'Rules' by only having one kid. -C'est la vie!